This is What Running in 10 Degrees Looks Like

My new philosophy is that for every 20 degrees below freezing, you get to double your mileage.  Ergo, the 1.8 miles I ran/walked/hiked/climbed this morning is actually 3.6.  The truth is, minus the tingly toes and inflamed cheeks, it was actually quite fun!

 As part of budgetary cutbacks, on any given day I estimate that approximately 25% of the sidewalks are safely cleared.  Nothing says adventure like icy snow.

 Luckily, someone's thought of a solution to improve traction.

 So hott right now.

Post run, pre-de-icing.

Less than hott right now.  Brrrr!

Watch out for the yellow snow. Yuck.

Remnants of my snowman.  Danged neighbors.

Zippers

What did people do before zippers?  They're genius!

Easier than buttons, more secure than snaps, AND they make a cool noise.  Zipzip!

Although, it does suck when the zipper on you favorite boots decides to start pulling away from the fabric and suddenly the end of their shelf life is imminent.  How many more wears will you get?  The world will never know.

Honest Descriptions: Skim milk

Next time you sit down to chug a frothy glass of skim, chew on this: what you're really imbibing is the refrigerated end product of a long, peculiar process.  The starting point is the often manual extraction of a white, homogeneous utter secretion from female cows.  The secretion is pooled together before undergoing an extensive heating and cooling process and having its fat strained, leaving what essentially looks like calcium-rich dirtied dishwasher in an oddly shaped plastic carton at your local grocery store next to the bowel-regulating, bacteria laced yogurt.

Fake Acronyms

On last week's 30 Rock Lemon's dad claimed he worked for the FBI; he was a Female Body Inspector.

CIA: Chanel Is Awesome

EPA: Every Politician is Amusing

IRS: Isn't the Real Housewives franchise Silly?

NBA: No (good) Basketball 'til April

Ode to Common Sense

Listen to that little voice
If you're lucky, it's a thinker
Drivers aren't omniscient
Changing lanes?  How 'bout a blinker!

It's three am
You're rock'n'roll dreams are dead
Swap electric guitars for books
And go to freakin' bed

Listen to that little voice
Wash your hands; cook your pork
Aim away from friends
When you pop a cork

Top 10: things I do not understand

10. How the expiration date for a bag of brownie batter is determined.
9. Why anyone thought the "Michigan left" was a good idea.
8. Why furniture is often too large to fit through doorways or, for that matter,
7. Why doorways are too narrow to allow for the easy passing of chic love-seats.
6. How in one town the temperature can be well below freezing in the 8 o'clock hour of the morning and in the 60s by 3pm.
5. Why it's a PBJ and not a JPB.
4. Why people think it's OK to shoot the bird at the bus station; it's not funny.
3. Histology.
2. Why Chanel isn't more coveted.
1. Why more teams don't go for it on the 4th down; I'd go for it every time.

Honest Descriptions: Football edition

Football is really nothing more than technically overweight men battling for possession of a small quantity of air encapsulated by a piece of a pig's skin while giving each other concussions.  Oh, and their uniforms are three sizes too small and generally do nothing in the way of disguising butt perspiration.

Some People REALLY Love Pageants

Let's just say these dudes REALLY want Ms. Philippines to make the Top 15.  Don't stop watching before the 2:30ish mark or you'll miss the best part!

If people can sell bottles of water for $7 surely there's a way to manufacture patience.

$7.00, Ten Cents at a Time

It's no secret that I have a semi-serious La Croix habit.  What is there not to love?  The fancy name (Karl and I pretend they are called "La-Kwa"), the tingly sparkles and the cool, thirst-quenching sensation one gets from chugging one.  Ahh.

Have you ever noticed that "MI 10¢" is printed on almost every single aluminum can.  When I was little, I used to be really jealous that there was not bottle deposit where I lived.  But now I live in Michigan and I can collect!

I might feel like a bag lady walking up to the recycling center but few joys rival that of collecting enough money to buy break-n-bake cookies and a half gallon of 2% milk simply from your bottle deposit return.

It's Alive

As I mentioned, I consider myself to be a top notch botanist.  I am also a recent new comer into the world of sarcasm.  Click HERE and HERE to see my before shots.

Best of Iron Chef

Reading Perez Hilton's blog really does pay off.  He drew attention to the best montage ever:  every Iron Chef America secret ingredient announcement in the show's history stringed together.  I think "Mangos!" might be my fave.

Ode to Farmers' Market

I play no football
And I am not a Viking
Your stalls are too crowded
For my liking

Your goods are smaller
With more bumps and bruises
But when it comes to taste
Meijer loses

Your tomatoes are redder
Your cheese is divine
Antibiotics are not fed
To your bovine

Beside the cucumbers
Past the peaches
Your stunning flowers
Leave me speechless

Karl Got Highlights!

That's SO 1994.

Third Time's a Charm

When you dislike your belongings robed in cat hair and refuse to retrieve dog $%!@ with your bare hand (a plastic bag is a suitable barrier for half a leftover onion in the refrigerator but under no circumstances will it adequately protect delicate hands and polished fingers nails from canine feces) you get plants.  When you have become a successful botanist, by which I mean you have not killed the two plants that were gifted to you, you move onto fish.

Or in my case, 3 fish.  First there was Fitzwilliam Darcy.  He lived approximately 24 hours.  Then came Hamish (a nod to Vogue) who stuck it out for nearly a week.  Finally, and least creatively named, I present for your viewing pleasure: Pickle.